As the 14th February approaches, it’s hard not to notice all the heart shaped gifts, cards and decorations displayed in shops, windows and restaurants, as well as the endless marketing emails urging you to ‘Treat that special someone’.
For those who are grieving the loss of a partner, whether this is your first valentine’s day or tenth, it can be a particularly painful time of year.
I have put together some pieces of advice which we hope will help through the run up to Valentine’s day.
Most of the time, avoidance isn’t to be encouraged as this can have a negative impact on the grieving process, facing what has happened is one of the first steps to rebuilding your life after a bereavement. However, it’s absolutely ok to hide away from reminders on special days such as Valentine’s if that’s what feels right at this time. Just know that you aren’t going through this alone, there are so many people who are feeling lonely and broken on Valentine’s day, after all, it is the day to show appreciation for the one we love, it’s always going to be difficult if the one you love is gone.
Here are some suggestions on how to get through the day:
- Ignore the day exists completely – although this may be quite difficult, if you do decide to do this, perhaps avoid listening to the radio, looking on social media or watching TV as adverts, conversations and images will be a reminder of the day you’re trying to avoid. Be prepared, record a TV programme, buy a new film, invite over a friend who is also avoiding the day, make sure you are doing something that you enjoy.
- Allow yourself to feel it – it’s OK not to fight your feelings, and allow yourself to sit with the hurt for the day. If it feels right, allowing yourself to cry or express your sadness in your own way can be really cathartic, and it’s often a relief to not feel like you have to ‘hold it all in’.
- Change the way you think about the day - Isn’t valentine’s day supposed to be the day for celebrating love? Choose to celebrate love of a different kind, such the love of a friend, the love of your family, a pet, or even the love of your favourite place or film.
- Try something new - if you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again. Some ideas include volunteering for the day, inviting your friends over for dinner, plan a fun night out with others you know have experienced a loss, sending a card or flowers to a friend or family member who you know is also suffering on the day.
- Love yourself - Whilst we are in the mist that is grief, we often forget to look after ourselves - slipping into a rut of unhealthy choices. Take this day as an opportunity for some much-needed attention on yourself, whether that’s exercise, a nice long bath, a haircut. If it makes you smile, it’s worth doing.
Remember to recognise your limitations and don’t push yourself to do something you feel unable to do. Whatever plans you do make, make them flexible as it can be hard to know how you will be feeling on the day.
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